Four Exits Later

Annie's CD was playing in the car and the music was wrapping itself around Harry like cigar smoke at a poker game.

James Blunt's "You're Beautiful." Harry had hit the replay button twice, each time somewhere in the song. He wasn't letting it end. He kept pushing that off.

Annie had sent him the CD in the mail. That was funny.
Harry had once expected anything Annie sent him to contain an explosive of some sort. "I think of you every time I hear that song." That was funnier. Annie was the one person in the world, other than Chris and Harry that knew about, Chris and Harry.

Annie was Josette's best friend. Or more precisely put; former best friend. Or most precisely put; best friend whom Josette had turned her back on a long time ago. But Annie was a woman for the ages. She was endurance personified and she sat back and stayed a best friend while Josette let the friendship decay into lunch every six or eight months and promises to keep in touch and call. She didn't.

At first, Annie blamed Harry. Annie and Josette had been friends through high school and into college, where Josette had first met Harry. He was the awkward English major with a sharp wit with no built in self editing mechanism. Josette thought he was a sexy scoundrel who was not afraid to throw barbs at anyone. Annie thought him smart but a bit of a loudmouth and one night when Harry had had one too many he lived up to that perception. Nasty things were said to Annie about her appearance and her manner and her walking in Josette's shadow. Harry thought he was being clever the way most drunken assholes think they are. Annie took it all in quietly and, when he was done she said:

"I'm sorry you feel that way. I think you're going to regret those words." Then she left and never stayed in Josette's company again while Harry was around.

When Harry and Josette were married, Annie was working on a master's degree on the opposite coast. She sweated getting the planefare together for eight weeks but could not come up with it and it tore her apart. She was afraid that everyone would think she was staying away to spite Harry, which everyone did. Annie sent cards apologizing, a small gift apologizing, Christmas and birthday cards to both apologizing and when she moved back to the city with her degree completed she took them both out and apologized. But Josette was already drifting away. She recognised that Harry had been drunk and decided to treat him civilly but never quite opened up to him.

For Harry's part, he appreciated the gesture and knew that he had something to take care of. Being Harry though, it took him a while to get around to it and that was too long altogether.

Six years after Annie moved back, while Harry was working as a managing editor and Annie was hammering an Ionesco script into something more contemporary and comprehensive for the theater company she owned and ran, they both went out for a glass of wine. It was originally to have been a foursome; Harry and Josette, Annie and Eric, her second husband and director at the theater. But Eric had come down with a cold and Josette had begged off for some last minute historical committee she had volunteered for so it was Harry and Annie and glasses of Chateau Awkward.

Harry finished his wine and put the glass down and waved off the waiter trying to refill it. Annie graciously did not follow suit but Harry asked her to stop drinking it for a moment.

"I want to say something and I don't want a lot of liquor talking or listening." He began. "And when I'm done you can tell me to fuck off or hit me or walk away. Whatever. But this has to be said."

Annie looked at him.

"I know we've never been close and never been the friends we once were and I know why. I insulted you Annie and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I said the things I did, I'm sorry that it drove you away, and I'm sorry that I haven't had the stones to do anything about it for this long. For whatever its worth, you're a good person with a heart of gold and you did not deserve any of that."

Annie said nothing.

"Anyway. That's all. I'll take care of the bill. Thanks. I appreciate your listening."

"Another glass?" Annie asked Harry as she sipped hers.

"If you would like me to stick around? Yes."

"Friends forgive each other."

"Yes they do."

"You can be an asshole Harry. But an asshole with character and a sense of right and wrong. Nonetheless, an asshole. Now forgive me for that."

"I forgive you."

"Then we're even."

And Harry and Annie found it easier to be civil, even friendly to each other. Harry sometimes wished Josette and Annie would stay closer and asked Josette about their friendship but did nothing else.

Josette had been gone, had moved out and been gone for two weeks when Annie called.

"I'm so sorry Harry, I didn't know."

"Its ok. I know you didn't." And he did. Annie never lied.

She invited Harry out to dinner with herself and Eric and Harry went and the three of them got to know each other again and she and Harry started to email each other regularly and Harry was thankful that Eric was as secure as he was, and should have been, in his marriage.

Annie become a touchstone for Harry. She was an emotional outlet and he alternatively was grateful and felt like shit because he was now exploiting the incredible emotional depth of a woman he had once been so cruel to.

But he didn't stop and one night, with Josette long gone and Chris having had "a friend coming in for the weekend" Harry told Annie all about Chris and how, without Josette ever knowing about the affair, Chris had been the catalyst for the breakup.

Annie didn't state anything. She only asked questions. And then she said that Harry and Josette had been equally to blame and that was that. If she judged anything, she kept that judgement to herself.

So Harry told her more about Chris and how things were going now that she was in town on a long term freelance project for Owens Media. They were working at the same office. So was Chris's friend Evan. They would have lunch together. A lot. It bothered Harry. A lot. But Harry was wrapping up the divorce from Josette. He didn't have the emotional energy to worry about Chris and Evan. After all, he and Chris were an item, albeit a secret and illicit one. Right? Harry ignored any suspicions he was having.

Annie did not.

She had mailed him the CD after they had spent the night on the phone, Harry telling her about his plans with Chris. She was seeing a lawyer and was waiting for the right moment to file the divorce papers to Rob. She wanted out and she wanted her freedom. Harry wanted her freedom too but he also wanted their relationship to continue, now out in the open.

Annie sent the CD and said: "Listen to 'You're Beautiful' I think of you when I hear it."

The song was about loving a woman from afar and never being with her. Harry let the lyrics play out in the car, finally let the song end. Then he turned the radio off and signalled for his exit off the freeway.

Route 611 off of I-78 led to Easton in the north and ultimately Philadelphia in the south. It was four exits beyond where Harry should have gotten off and he didn't realize it until he had stopped at the end of the off ramp. He turned right, pulled onto the shoulder and stopped, turning off the engine.

There was a box of Marlboro in the compartment on the car door. He put a cigarette in his mouth and lit it. He'd stop this soon, he promised as he opened the window.

Right now, something has to be said he thought. And he began to run through all the ways he was going to try and tell Chris he loved her and wondered how she was going to react. Then he thought about how he was going to finally tell Annie that he loved her and why and he knew exactly how she was going to react.

Harry smiled, turned the radio on again and started the car.